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What's Stopping You?

8/5/2014

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    Can you believe that 2014 is almost half over?! What began as a fresh, shiny year - a newly-opened journal with blank pages just begging for you to fill them with details of all your amazing adventures - is now looking a little worn around the edges. (Kind of like how many of us feel at times...!)
    This moment of panicked realisation (it's almost June!) is an opportunity to take stock of how your goals for this year are going. Or not.
    What's that you say? You have no defined goals, or the ones you have just aren't workin' for you? Well, there's no better time than the present to decide what you really want out of life - and I don't just mean that you prefer your eggs hard-boiled or your morning latte made on skim, three-quarter strength, and extra hot (oh - sorry, that's me!). 
    I'm talking about what really matters to you, what keeps you awake at night (aside from heartburn!), what you'll regret not doing when your time comes to leave this world for the next.
    Your values.
    Sure, it might be easier to follow the crowd and plan to make it to the top in your chosen career, retire before you're thirty (or forty, or...), and have a house full of shiny things.
    But will the traditional success paradigm really make you happy? 
    As we approach mid-year, take a moment out of your day to reflect on these few questions:
1. What would I miss most about my life if it was gone?
2. What makes me smile?
3. If I knew the world would end tomorrow, what would I regret not having done?
4. What's stopping me from making steps to start (or finish) it now?

    I'd love to read your answers, either in the comments below or on Facebook. 
    
    With some honest assessment and planning (even baby-steps), the second half of your 2014 will be infinitely more rewarding,  intentional, and values-oriented. Go for it!
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I'm ok, you're ok

12/4/2012

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    Finding it difficult to be kind to yourself? Apparently, those who are understanding and supportive of others often score lowly in
self-compassion tests, according to a wellness article in the New York Times.
    It's no secret that most of us are less than happy with ourselves, being our own worst critics. However, people who demonstrate self-compassion tend to be happier and more optimistic, with lower rates of depression.
    Interestingly, the next item on the '10 Keys to Happier Living' (that I began blogging about last year) is ACCEPTANCE: Be comfortable with who you are. 
    It's been quite awhile since I last posted a blog - not since late last year, in fact (*blush). Now, I could beat myself up about not sticking to my plan, or for not getting more writing completed on my new novel. But, in light of the above facts, I'm choosing to be kind to myself instead.
    So, what makes us get down on ourselves while we're still able to be understanding and gracious of others? It usually stems from the level of acceptance we received from those around us when we were children - and can lead to a cycle of negativity and self-criticism as adults.
    Some tips to help develop more self-compassion
- Try to focus much more on your positives rather than your negatives
- Write down a list of your strengths and read it regularly
- Surround yourself with positive, affirming people
- Listen to and/or read encouraging, uplifting material (Graham Cooke has some excellent resources)
    It can be a long road in learning to change negative thought-processes, but the rewards are so worth it. And so are you.
    I'd love to hear your thoughts about your journey in self-acceptance, plus tips for being kind to yourself (curling up with a novel at the end of a long day springs to mind... :) ). You can either leave a comment below, or on my Facebook page.             
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Shoot for the moon

21/10/2011

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“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.” 
~ Brian Littrell

    I must admit, I had an 'uneasy moment' when I first looked at the topic for this blog post: DIRECTION - Having goals to look forward to (the next point in the 10 Keys to Happier Living).
    Don't misunderstand me - I'm all for goals. I love them.
    I just have one problem: I rarely ever achieve them.
    Phew! Now that I've got that uncomfortable confession out of the way, we can move on. :)
    Seriously, we all need to feel as if we're moving forward in life, as if we're actually going somewhere instead of merely being swept along in the current of the daily grind (apologies for the mixed metaphors :) ).
    When we're younger, our main goal might be to make it to the finals in our soccer team, or score an 'A' in a music exam or school grade.
    As we grow, our goals also become bigger. From making it in our chosen careers, to buying a house, pursuing our creative aspirations (such as writing), or having a family... goals spur us on, give us energy, and make the 'ride' in life more meaningful and even enjoyable.    
    An article in Psychology Today presents on this topic very succinctly. Basically, when we achieve progress on our goals, our subjective well-being (SWB - how happy and satisfied we feel in life) increases, with a potential flow-on effect of motivating 'goal-directed behaviours' (check out this diagram from the article).    
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The key here, as I see it, is the importance of breaking our larger goals down into achievable 'chunks'. While it's great to have a grand vision to spur us on, we also need to take note of that old saying, 'Rome wasn't built in a day'.
    Perhaps instead of having one big goal (eg to write a best-selling novel), you could break it down into smaller, more manageable pieces (eg to write one chapter a week, or to spend an hour a day on your manuscript). If you can achieve the smaller 'mini-goals', you'll eventually get the big one sorted out - without getting too discouraged in the process.
    To apply this goal-setting principle in your life (and also helping to contribute to increased happiness levels), aim to spend some time this week reevaluating your goals. Do you have any? Are they achieveable? What can you do today (or in the next week) as a small step towards them? (I think I should spend some time completing this exercise, too. :) )
    I'l love to hear all about it on my Facebook page. :)
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Looking forward, looking back

26/6/2011

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Looking forward, looking back. I've come a long way down the track...
~Slim Dusty
    I took a moment today (no small feat, considering it's the first day of the school holidays!) to reflect on the past ten years. So much has happened in that time; some circumstances have been amazing and exciting, others more of a challenge. But hopefully, coming out the other side has made me a little wiser and more mature (well, I'd like to think so, lol!).
    I don't think I would have believed it if someone had told me - as a young, newly-graduated, married 24 year-old - that in ten years' time I would be a published novelist (with another manuscript half-completed), happily married to my best friend and with four young children together, and 10 kg lighter.
    In that time, I've also had five different jobs, travelled throughout Europe, and moved to a new town by the sea, five hours' drive away.
    If I could write a letter to my 24 year-old self, these are some of the points I would include:
1. Try to finish things you start
Following through has never been one of my strong points - from completing my novel (which sat unfinished, with just two chapters to go, for around six years!), to getting around to changing our home internet plan. There always seems to be so many other little, mundane things in life that take up all of my time. But even just spending 15 minutes a day on completing a larger project will get it done eventually - it just requires a little focus.
2. Don't confuse activity with productivity
My life always seems to be very 'full' - four kids, a husband, a part-time job and another novel on the way will do that to you - but over the years I've often found myself busy, but really not getting done any of the things I actually had to do that day. Ever heard the story about the rocks and the sand in the jar? The sand had often been going in first, leaving no room for the rock priorities. This is gradually changing for me, but there's still a long way to go. :)
3. KISS - Keep It Simple, Stupid
Remember how it felt when you first graduated from school or university, when there seemed to be about a zillion things you could do with your life? Here's a tip: pick one. The confusing array of choices these days - from which career to select, to which hobby we want to focus on next, to the flavour of 31-derful different types of icecream in our sundae - can actually lead to inertia. Or procrastination. Or both (trust me - I know a whole heap about the Big 'P').
4. Waste less time
In the number of hours I've spent over the years in mindless frittering - such as leafing through catalogues, watching useless televsion, or poring over almost every word in the weekend newspapers - I'm sure I could have written ten novels by now. Or learnt several languages. Or anything else you care to name that takes oodles of time to accomplish, and is a whole lot more important than the above activities. You get the picture.
5. Don't wait for perfection
There will rarely ever be the perfect time to do something. The very small portion of melancholy in my character likes to have all the details worked out before I launch into something. But I've discovered that the planets align very infrequently, and it's not likely to happen today. So, with that thing you've been thinking of doing, maybe been planning for awhile now? Just do it.

    The above snippets of advice are just a few I can think of off the top of my head; I'm sure there are many more (and I'd include them here if it wasn't the first day of the school holidays ;) ).
    So, tell me: what 'pearls of wisdom' would you tell your younger self? Share it on my Facebook page.
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I think I can, I think I can...

13/5/2011

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    It's amazing what you can do when you set yourself a challenge. Or in my case, when someone else sets it for you. It's only two weeks into the May: You Write Your Novel Challenge, and already I'm totally surprised (shocked, actually) by my ability to focus and persevere. Even when I have an evening work meeting and don't get home until 8:30pm. Or even worse, when I have a houseful of vomiting children (that was a fun couple of days - NOT!).
     True, my sleep is now suffering in a big way, as writing sessions 'til midnight are scarily becoming the norm. At this rate, I may get my manuscript completed in record time (for me), but I'll look like a complete, worn-out hag by the end of it, lol! This better be worth it...
    I'm finding that just like "the little engine that could", mindset is a big part of this minor miracle (my writing every day, that is - not me looking like an exhausted hag, lol!). I'm daily telling myself that writing every day - with a goal of 1000 words - IS what I'll be doing for the next 80 days. And so far, I've managed to trick myself into doing it.
    They say it only takes 28 days to develop a new habit. This may be a scary thing, if we're talking about that extra chocolate bar you've started picking up each day on your way home from the office :). Or it can be an overwhelmingly positive thing: like when you start getting up a half-hour earlier to go for a walk in the crisp morning air. Or when you decide to turn the tv off a little earlier each night to go to bed, or spend the time chatting with your partner over a cuppa. Or, like me, you decide that you might as well write every day - because the alternative (very occasional weekend writing sessions) just wasn't working for you.
    So, the next time you find yourself a little frustrated over your current life-direction (or lack of direction), remember the little engine that could. 
    And the little, crazy writer who's up at midnight in front of a glowing computer screen, mumbling, "I think I can, I think I can... zzzzz!" :)   
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Hi-Ho, Silver!

6/5/2011

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This week, I’ve finally gotten back on my horse – metaphorically speaking. It’s been so long (almost a couple of months, I’m ashamed to admit) since I’ve worked on my novel, that I’d become a little rusty, a bit “gun shy”. Too long out of the writing saddle had me feeling a touch wary of launching back in. I mean, who really likes being “saddle sore”? (Those infrequent riders like me will appreciate what I’m saying here. :) )

But this week – courtesy of May: You Write Your Novel – I finally decided that I’d had enough of my conscience niggling me every time I spied my writing notebook sitting on the arm of the couch; every time my imagination conjured up images of another inch-thick layer of dust settling onto my book with each passing week.

It was time to grab the reins once more, holler, “Hi-ho, Silver!” (well, maybe whisper it – us creative types can already have a bit of a “loopy” image, lol!), and grab my writing muse by the horns. (Hmm – I seem to be mixing my metaphors here. Whatever.)

The funny thing is that things are rarely as difficult as we imagine they’ll be. Instead of staring out into space for hours with a blank page before me, I actually found it refreshing – even fun – to return to my languishing characters and breathe new life into another chapter of their suspended lives. I realised that, in a way, I had actually missed my regular novel-writing sessions, the endorphin-buzz from finding my flow. From simply creating.

So I’m trying to remember this feeling, would bottle it if I could. And then when those troublesome twins, Lethargy and Complacency, threaten to wrap their bony little fingers around my writing hand, I’ll be able to easily lasso them by the positive memories of my last writing session.

And ride off into the sunset of “happily ever after”… :)

So, what about you? What “horse” have you been avoiding getting back on? Is it launching back into your writing (or some other creative pursuit), or even something to do with your career (maybe applying for a new, more fulfilling job) or relationships (starting over, or improving what you already have)? Whatever your horse is, know that that very first ride – although a little scary – will never be quite as bad as you’ve imagined. And once you start going in the right direction, you’re already heading off towards your own sunset. :)
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What's Your Excuse?

20/4/2011

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    "Wanted: one large box of motivation. Will accept second-hand from someone who has plenty to spare."
    Lately, I've had half-a-mind to post the above ad in Craigslist, the way my writing has NOT been progressing.
    This may come as a surprise to some people. I am a published author, after all, so am obviously capable of writing 70+ thousand words.
    But when I reveal that my novel sat unfinished for six years - yes, SIX! - with just two chapters to go, perhaps you'll understand.
    With my current manuscript, I have a synopsis, character outlines, ten chapters planned and three-and-a-bit already written.
    BUT (there's always a big one of those lurking somewhere! :) ), I haven't written anything for over a month now. And I'm concerned that this month could easily, sneakily, turn into a year. Or two.
    Sure, there's been two house inspections, a couple of bank and real estate property valuations, a job application and interview to prepare for ... not to mention the school holidays, with four energetic ankle-biters running and yelling around our rather small living area.
    However, I'm coming to realise that there'll always be 101 excuses. Heck, I could fill a book with them (I wonder if it would ever get finished, lol!).
    I came across this very true quote recently: "Success is a tale of obstacles overcome, and for every obstacle overcome, an excuse not used." (Robert Brault)
    We're all going to have excuses: too busy, too tired, have too many children, the in-laws are coming to visit, I have to clean my house, I'm moving house, the dog needs to be taken to the vet ... well, you get the drift.
    It's only when we step over all the excuses and begin to walk along the path leading to our values and priorities, that we'll find ourselves actually doing what we were made for: our destiny.
    So in that vein, I'm considering embracing a tool to help give me a proverbial boost up my -ahem- writer's seat and get writing again. It's called May: You Write Your Novel, and is basically a challenge to writers to complete an eighty thousand word manuscript in 80 days (May, June, and half of July).
    There are no prizes for completing the 80K in this time period, nor will there be anyone checking over my shoulder, but the amazing buzz of accomplishment will be well worth the inconvenience of squeezing 1000 words a day out of my rather full schedule.
    Oh, for the record, the excuse listed above about moving house? It's actually true - I will be moving right in the middle of the May: You Write Your Novel challenge.
    But that's really only an excuse, right?!?
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    Published author. Dietitian. Mother of 4. Eternally curious. Enjoys life's adventures. Loves dark chocolate and a good coffee.

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