I'm ok, you're ok 12/04/2012
Finding it difficult to be kind to yourself? Apparently, those who are understanding and supportive of others often score lowly in self-compassion tests, according to a wellness article in the New York Times. It's no secret that most of us are less than happy with ourselves, being our own worst critics. However, people who demonstrate self-compassion tend to be happier and more optimistic, with lower rates of depression. Interestingly, the next item on the '10 Keys to Happier Living' (that I began blogging about last year) is ACCEPTANCE: Be comfortable with who you are. It's been quite awhile since I last posted a blog - not since late last year, in fact (*blush). Now, I could beat myself up about not sticking to my plan, or for not getting more writing completed on my new novel. But, in light of the above facts, I'm choosing to be kind to myself instead. So, what makes us get down on ourselves while we're still able to be understanding and gracious of others? It usually stems from the level of acceptance we received from those around us when we were children - and can lead to a cycle of negativity and self-criticism as adults. Some tips to help develop more self-compassion - Try to focus much more on your positives rather than your negatives - Write down a list of your strengths and read it regularly - Surround yourself with positive, affirming people - Listen to and/or read encouraging, uplifting material (Graham Cooke has some excellent resources) It can be a long road in learning to change negative thought-processes, but the rewards are so worth it. And so are you. I'd love to hear your thoughts about your journey in self-acceptance, plus tips for being kind to yourself (curling up with a novel at the end of a long day springs to mind... :) ). You can either leave a comment below, or on my Facebook page. 2 Comments Shoot for the moon 21/10/2011
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.” ~ Brian Littrell I must admit, I had an 'uneasy moment' when I first looked at the topic for this blog post: DIRECTION - Having goals to look forward to (the next point in the 10 Keys to Happier Living). Don't misunderstand me - I'm all for goals. I love them. I just have one problem: I rarely ever achieve them. Phew! Now that I've got that uncomfortable confession out of the way, we can move on. :) Seriously, we all need to feel as if we're moving forward in life, as if we're actually going somewhere instead of merely being swept along in the current of the daily grind (apologies for the mixed metaphors :) ). When we're younger, our main goal might be to make it to the finals in our soccer team, or score an 'A' in a music exam or school grade. As we grow, our goals also become bigger. From making it in our chosen careers, to buying a house, pursuing our creative aspirations (such as writing), or having a family... goals spur us on, give us energy, and make the 'ride' in life more meaningful and even enjoyable. An article in Psychology Today presents on this topic very succinctly. Basically, when we achieve progress on our goals, our subjective well-being (SWB - how happy and satisfied we feel in life) increases, with a potential flow-on effect of motivating 'goal-directed behaviours' (check out this diagram from the article). The key here, as I see it, is the importance of breaking our larger goals down into achievable 'chunks'. While it's great to have a grand vision to spur us on, we also need to take note of that old saying, 'Rome wasn't built in a day'. Perhaps instead of having one big goal (eg to write a best-selling novel), you could break it down into smaller, more manageable pieces (eg to write one chapter a week, or to spend an hour a day on your manuscript). If you can achieve the smaller 'mini-goals', you'll eventually get the big one sorted out - without getting too discouraged in the process. To apply this goal-setting principle in your life (and also helping to contribute to increased happiness levels), aim to spend some time this week reevaluating your goals. Do you have any? Are they achieveable? What can you do today (or in the next week) as a small step towards them? (I think I should spend some time completing this exercise, too. :) ) I'l love to hear all about it on my Facebook page. :) Give it a go! 22/09/2011
I just love one of the latest IKEA tv ads (below) - and not merely for the Braveheart-esque music and 'battle' scene, reminiscent of William Wallace's charge against the English forces in the late 13th century. It's the challenge at the end: Fight boring. Have a go. This ties in so neatly with the next theme in the '10 Keys to Happier Living', which is all about TRYING NEW THINGS. 'Having a go' in life is all about making life interesting, challenging ourselves and the status quo. Not being content to stick with our comfortable (and perhaps 'boring') existence, but instead mixing things up a little. And apparently, this can make us happier. I came across a blog post by the Happiness Institute recently, detailing how we can boost our happiness levels by experimenting and trying new things. If you're wondering how something as simple as learning a new skill (Latin dancing, anyone?) or doing something a different way can help you be happier, in a nutshell it comes down to improved self-efficacy. Basically, if you can learn to do something new (and do it well), this gives you an increased belief in your ability to succeed at other things. Remember the buzz you got as a kid when you learnt to ride a bike for the first time? Or how you felt when you passed your driver's licence test? Your feelings of self-efficacy sky-rocketed, increasing your happiness levels. How long has it been since you had that amazing feeling of accomplishment over learning something new? Too long? Today's an excellent time to start. :) It could be something as simple as taking a 'walk on the wild side' by trying out a new restaurant or cuisine, reading a book in a different genre to your usual, or checking out the sights in a previously unexplored part of your neighbourhood or city. If you're a writer, like me, you could shake up your usual writing habits by trying a different style, length (eg short-story as opposed to novel-length), or routine (try writing outdoors instead of in your home office). If you really want to embrace this concept, you could take up a new hobby, join a club or social group to meet new people, or plan a holiday to an exotic, far-flung destination. Sound like fun? I'm having a blast just writing about it! :) So, what new things are you planning to try this week? I'd love to hear all about them on my Facebook page. (If you've never 'liked' my page before, this might be an easy way to start 'trying something new' - lol!) Move it, Baby! :) 08/08/2011
For all those of you who have absolutely no interest whatsoever in your health, longevity, energy levels, or how you fit in a pair of jeans, you can tune out now. For the rest of us - oh, it looks like everyone's still here (lol!) - read on. I'm continuing on with my posts relating to the '10 Keys to Happier Living' (check out the cool video at the end of this post), and this week's topic is (you guessed it) EXERCISING: Take care of your body. Now, before you scream, run away, and dive back under the covers of denial, I'd like to discuss some great research that shows how we can all fit 'moving more' into our already-busy schedules. I've been reading some research lately about the health effects of standing vs sitting (you heard it correctly: not 'huffing-and-puffing', just 'standing'). A couple of weeks ago I came across a really great article, and just felt that I had to share it. The article by Tony Fitzsimons, titled 'We're sitting ourselves to death', detailed an excellent (and highly-readable) summary of the latest research on this topic. In a nutshell, we're all sitting too much. And even if we exercise the recommended 30 minutes (or even an hour) daily, we're STILL sitting too much - up to 16 hours, in fact. Our human bodies were designed to be in constant movement during our waking hours. But now in our increasingly mechanised society, we have machines to do the work for us. For many of us, we even sit at a 'machine' (computer) at our workplaces, often for hours at a time. Interestingly, prior to the Second World War the concept of exercise was reasonably foreign. People were very active in their everyday lives, both at home and in their work (often on a farm), and didn't have a need to go to the gym. But back to 2011, most of us don't live that way anymore. We have to be more intentional about incorporating movement into our everyday lives, as unfortunately, the phrase 'use it or lose it' will always prove true. This also applies to our flexibility, strength, and muscle tone (and, in turn, our metabolisms). The Heart Foundation confirms that too much sitting is bad for our health, even if we're meeting minimum exercise requirements. They report on research revealing that too much sitting can increase your risk of heart disease by as much as 50 per cent. So, how does this all relate to increasing our happiness levels? One word: endorphins. These are mood-boosting chemicals that our bodies produce when we're physically active, giving us that feel-good rush. It's well-documented that participating in regular exercise can even be effective in treating certain types of depression. It all sounds like reason enough to move around more. So I'm signing off now to go do some vigorous housework (*sigh!). Oh, and for the record, I read most of the research articles for this blog post while standing up. :) Let me know your tips for including more physical activity in your day by sharing on my Facebook page. Thanks. :) The Giving Connection 27/07/2011
As promised, this is the first of my blog posts discussing the 10 items outlined in the Action for Happiness (see my last post for more details). Consequently, I've been thinking a bit about GIVING (the first item on the list) and how it can make us happier. We all know this to be true ín theory - after all, the 'Golden Rule' is one of the first maxims drummed into us by our mothers when, as selfish and egocentric two-year-olds, we absolutely refuse to share with our sister/brother/friend/neighbour/dog. But as adults, sometimes it's difficult to make this connection. As our materialistic society espouses (just turn on the television for a primer): If you want to be happier, you need more 'stuff' - and to get more 'stuff', it seems crazy to give some away, right?! Not exactly ... Giving is actually one of the key ways to make us feel happier, more altruistic. More human, and less animal (although animals are known to share, as well). Giving can also foster connection with others, showing them we care. And who doesn't want to feel more connected? Unfortuately, these days our view of the word 'connection' has more to do with our electronic gadgets, and less to do with a chat over the fence with our neighbour. I've even fallen prey to this fallacy myself. This past week, my modem decided that it was going to randomly control when it would allow me to access the internet - depending on its moods, hormones, or some other strange signals I hadn't been able to decode. So I unplugged it and eagerly waited for another to arrive in the post. Those five or so days dragged by, with me beginning to feel varying degrees of disconnection. But from what? Sure, I wasn't able to email friends or family, or check out what was happening with all my 'friends' on Facebook, or update my blog, or do some more research for my latest novel. But life still went on. My immediate family were still there, thundering around with their little feet (and one pair of larger feet) in our wooden-floored house. A friend still dropped by for a coffee. We still went to church on Sunday, and talked with other friends. So, while the internet (and social media) can definitely help in us feeling connected, it's really only one form - and a second-rate one, at that. This week, I'm setting out to have more real connection with others (with actual, real people - not just thumbnail photos on a social networking website ;) ). And, as I mentioned above, one great way to do this is by giving. Not money, necessarily (although there's definitely a place for that), but in my time, energy, even ideas. I'm looking forward to the challenge, and will keep you updated with how it goes on my Facebook page. Pop on over and share your thoughts about ways you like to give, or things you do to stay connected with others. :) P.S. My new modem is great at keeping me connencted to the internet - if I could just see the screen! My computer monitor has now conspired to launch into static at really crucial moments i.e. writing my latest scene, internet banking, blogging. Gotta love technology! :-/ Just 'one of those days' 11/07/2011
I'm sitting here at my favourite cafe, still damp from having an extra-hot, skinny latte (with half-strength vanilla syrup, of course) tipped over me by an over-exuberant four-year-old. My hand is stinging from the burning liquid, and my previously-luscious square of carrot cake with cream cheese icing is now a pile of soggy mush. It's just been 'one of those days'. Have you had one of those lately? The funny thing is that I'd been planning to write an inspirational blog piece today about a website I've recently come acrosss: www.actionforhappiness.org . I was going to write something profound about how it's interesting that when I/you discover something new/inspirational/challenging/life-changing, we often don't recognise its potential at first. Instead of reaching out and grabbing with both hands onto the new project/investment opportunity/job/story idea/trip-of-a-lifetime, we can sometimes hesitate, stuck in the paralysis of indecision that fear brings. Unfortunately, the words 'inspirational' and 'profound' somehow aren't in my vocabulary today. :) But, despite it being 'one of those days', I've managed to get up and dust myself off to continue with this planned blog post. On the above-mentioned website, you'll find the 10 Keys to Happier Living resource, based on latest scientific research about happiness (love the retro photos, too :)). The GREAT DREAM acronym outlines 10 key principles that positively impact on happiness levels: Giving Relating Exercising Appreciating Trying out Direction Resilience Emotion Acceptance Meaning For something a little different, I'm planning to explore these ten principles further over the coming weeks - not in a dry and factual way, but with 'skin on', based on the experiences of myself and others, and with tips on how to apply them to your life. I hope you'll join me on this journey as we discover more about how to 'get happy'. Who knows, you may even find yourself achieving a greater level of overall happiness and wellbeing. And hopefully, have less of 'those days'. :) I'd love to read your comments about how you managed to move on after a challenging circumstance/day - you can share it on my Facebook page. P.S. This is the second version of this post - the first inexplicably deleted itself. I can think of no other explanation than the title above. :) |




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